from living with love to letting go
1. Make a decision
The decision might take weeks, months or years to make. Either way, you can’t move on until you’ve made a solid decision to do so. Get clear on the reasons why you need to move forward and then commit. Don’t waste energy pretending with yourself. If you think you’re not ready, ask why not? More than likely you know what’s best for you. So what’s holding you back? Is it fear of being alone? Is it refusal to accept rejection?
2. Get rid of their shit
Once you’ve committed, all there is to do is move on. If they left something useful like a blender or a pack of light bulbs, there’s no harm in making use of these things (unless of course, the objects are emotionally charged and you can’t make a smoothie without crying). Otherwise gather up the other’s belongings and get them out of your site. If returning them to their owner isn’t an option, trash or donate. Envision yourself throwing out the tension and confusion that often accompany a break up. Also consider decluttering your devices. Maybe you unfollow their social media, delete text threads or get rid of pictures.
3. Vacuum, Sweep, Dust
Even if we sweep regularly, the past still finds a way to pile itself on the floor in the form of dust, hair, crumbs and dirt. All remnants of days that have already passed. There’s a lift in the atmosphere after a room has been swept or vacuumed. There’s a sense of renewal after dust bunnies and cobwebs have been cleared. These chores should be practiced regularly but are vital at the dawn of a reset.
4. Smudge the space
Crack a window and light your sage. Light your palo santo or your incense. Whatever resonates. Smoke out the main areas (bedrooms, living rooms) and also pay closets attention to closets, corners and the space behind shelves. Imagine the debris from the relationship dissipating with the smoke. Recite affirmations if you need to.
“I deserve to be loved, caressed and treated with respect.”
“I no longer accept abuse as the norm.”
When you’re done, take it outside and let the ashes catch the wind.
5. Rearrange the rooms
Build new space. Move the bed around. Move the desk and the lamps. Change up the book shelves. Switch up what’s on the wall. The part of you that’s attached to the other will no longer know how to navigate this new space and thus you’ll create new patterns.
6. Find some new energy
Buy yourself something new. Get a new plant or some flowers, an accent chair, a new rug, art for the walls, new sheets. Or go big and buy a new couch or a bedroom set. Again, you’re creating a space where the ‘old you’ is no longer comfortable, thus requiring you to do something new.
The six steps might happen in a day or they might take a few months. Healing looks different for everyone. So be gentle and allow yourself to go through the process. Sort through your feelings. Figure out what’s at the core of your anger or your confusion. Be grateful for what you learned from the relationship. And most importantly, understand that the universe is helping you declutter your life to make room for what’s next.